I recently crossed the 50-year horizon. In the same season, I lost my father.

These two events, one marking time and the other bringing a deep sense of loss, came together and created an emotional wave I wasn’t ready for. For years, I studied longevity and self-improvement. I treated my body like a vital structure and my routines like reliable code. But at my father’s memorial, all my efforts to optimise my life suddenly felt lacking.

I found myself stuck in doubt. If I have figured out how to survive and aim to live longer, what is the purpose of that extra time?

The Shift from Self to Pillars

Lately, I’ve been listening to Audible; Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey’s Build the Life You Want. It made sense to me because it gave words to a spiritual change I was already experiencing. Brooks says happiness isn’t a place we arrive at after solving our problems; it’s a direction we move in.

For a long time, I focused on myself, my energy, my performance, and my daily habits. But research on happiness shows that lasting well-being comes from investing in four main areas: Faith or Philosophy, Family, Friendship, and Work.

I realised I was relying too much on work and focusing too much on myself. To build a life that feels full, I need to strengthen other parts of my foundation.

Metacognition: Translating the Signal

I am naturally calm and optimistic. I’ve been through many highs and lows, but I usually hold onto hope. Still, grief and the challenges of mid-life can shake even the most steady person.

The most helpful idea I’ve learned from Brooks is metacognition, or thinking about my own thoughts. When I feel sad or doubtful, I try to see it not as a problem, but as information.

Instead of letting emotions overwhelm me, I try to step back and observe them. I ask myself what these feelings are trying to tell me. Most of the time, they remind me that I need more meaning in my life. It’s a sign to stop just protecting my own time and start creating a bigger story.

Wellbeing Beyond Myself

This realisation has changed how I go about my day.

1. I am getting more involved and open about my heritage. There is a sense of connection, linking my past to my children’s future, that gives me a deep meaning that no productivity trick ever could.
2. I’m spending more time just playing with my kids. I’m not focused on managing their schedules or making sure everything goes right, but simply enjoying the moment with them.
3. In my 40s, I always wanted more. Now, in my 50s, I’m learning a new lesson: Satisfaction equals what you have divided by what you want. By choosing to want less for myself and give more to others, I actually feel more satisfied.

Why I Started Journaling Online

That’s why I’ve decided to journal publicly.

Brooks explains that difficult or traumatic memories are often “ghosts in the brain”, purely limbic, unsupervised, and deeply uncomfortable. Our natural tendency is to suppress them, numb them, or adopt a victim identity around them.

Journaling helps me work through these memories. It turns these “ghosts” from raw emotions into stories I can understand. By writing, I let my thinking brain process what my emotional brain has been holding onto. Modern neuroscience shows that memory is more about rebuilding than just recalling; by journaling, I am actually changing how I see my past and taking back my future.

The New North Star

I’m not just trying to be stronger anymore; I want to build a legacy. I’m not just chasing freedom; I’m creating it so I can be there for the people who matter most.

If you’re at a similar point where you’ve figured out how to get by but still feel something is missing, don’t search for a better system. Instead, look for a deeper foundation.